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Do You Children Feel Encourage When They Share Their Troubles with You by Jacob Gan
When we discuss with other parents, we inevitably hear that their children have stopped coming to them with problems. Some parents do not realize that this is a very serious warning sign that all is not well between them and their children. We have to realize that children, whether they are teenagers or early adults, face many trials and tribulations. When these problems are not properly managed, many serious problems may surface later in their lives. By then, too much detrimental damage may have already been done and it may be too late for parents to take remedial actions.
It is therefore vital that parents become aware of this serious state of affairs, take a critical review of the situation, and plan effective strategies and take hard actions to prevent the unnecessary and dreadful consequences.
In this article, we shall address three important aspects of this issue.
(i)Searching questions on why our children are not coming to us with their problems anymore.
(ii)Identify some of the causes that discourage our children from sharing their troubles with us.
(iii)Recommend some corrective actions.
Thatâs not all. We have to respond to them in ways that prove to them that it is best for them to come to us whenever they face have anxiety or trouble.
Section 1: Some Searching Questions
Here are some searching questions for us to ponder over to help us to better comprehend the probable reasons that pit our children off when they come to us with their problems:
1. Are we aware of the problems our children may be facing?
2. Are we observing our childrenâs behaviors? Do they act strangely, especially when they are around us?
3. Are we acting as our childrenâs best friends, their most trusted confidants?
4. Are we showing them due respect and consideration?
5. Are we sharing with them our own trepidations, feelings and opinion?
6. Do we provide the necessary support and guidance when they came to us?
7. Do we ridicule their silly doubts and fears?
8. Do we help them to cope with their loss, misery and anxiety?
9. Do we share their joy?
10. Do we display genuine interest when they share their worries with us?
11. Do we demonstrate true happiness for the time they share with us?
12. Do we correct them with gentleness for the mistakes they make and encourage them to improve their behavior?
13. Have we been living upright lives ourselves?
14. Have we been good role models for our children?
15. Have we responded to them in such a way that they believe it is always good for them to share their thoughts with us?
Section 2: Some Probable Causes
It is important for us to seriously examine things that we might have done wrongly so that our children may be encouraged to come back to us whenever they face any difficulties or have any concerns.
While it is not easy to identify the exact reasons that discourage our children from discussing their thoughts and fears with us, there are many common causes that we can investigate and use them to us to develop suitable corrective actions.
Here are some of the more general explanations that prevent our children from coming to us to share their worries:
1. We have not extended to our children our empathy for the problems they face
If our children do not feel connected to us, they may feel that everything we offer is not relevant to their problems and will not be acceptable.
2. Our advice is “lose-lose” to our children
When we give advice, if it proves to be correct, we get the credit, but when the advice turns out to be not successful, they get the blame for not being able to carry it out successfully.
3. They feel stupid when we give them instructions
When the instructions that come from us, they do not feel they have ownership. They may also feel that we think they are unable to develop their own solutions. We take on the position of the experts who have the knowledge and wisdom and our children are treated as if they do not have sufficient knowledge or skills to deal with the problems. They may feel insulted and hostility creeps in between parents and children.
4. We Do Not Provide Solutions that are Relevant and Appropriate
This can occur when we assume that we already know what the real issues are before obtaining the details and examining them.
5. We Do Not Really Understand Our Childrenâs Concerns
If we do not spend enough time and effort to try and understand the things that trouble the minds of our children, how can we know the real problems that affect them?
A typical example may be like this: Our children come to us to express their anxiety over the relationship they have with their friend. What they are really concerned about may be how to salvage the relationship. We, on the other hand, may suggest that they stay away from these friends. We are prodding them to damage a relationship that they want to restore so desperately!
6. We do not appreciate the efforts of our children
When we denigrate their efforts to cope with their problems, they will be discouraged to make efforts in solving future problems.
7. Our children do not need our solution
Sometimes our kids just want to share their problems with us and do not want or need advice from us at all. Any attempt to throw in our solutions will be detrimental to our children’s self-esteem.
Section 3. Recommended Pointers for Consideration
Now that we have considered various possible causes that could discourage our children from sharing their problems with us, I will provide three action pointers for consideration:
1. Understand the Real Issues
We and our children have to take the problems to identify and analyze the crusts of the problems. Encourage them to identify and weigh the various options available. Very often, the solutions become clear.
2. Demonstrate Empathy and Understanding
We must learn to show evidence of our empathy with our children for the problems and difficulties they face so that they feel they are with us and we are with them. It is important to give our children the feeling that we are with them – and not just physically, but also emotionally. In this way, they will be more willing to disclose their true feelings and thoughts and wisdom and be receptive to what we have to offer.
3. Create “Win-Winâ Situations
Whenever possible, we want to create situations that are “win-win” for them. For example, we encourage them to develop their own solutions and let them take the credit when they succeed. And they take credit for the admirable efforts, if they fail.
I believe that with careful thoughts and determinations, we can help our children to realize that it’s always good for them to open their hearts and share their problems to us.
Resources:
http://www.jacobgan.com/Stress/Stress-In-Kids-And-Teens.html
http://www.succezz.com/Enrichment/
http://www.demystifycancer.com/Courses-Psychology.htm
Jacob Gan PhD (Michigan) has more than 20 years of teaching experience in a university and 8 years of business/industrial experience after graduation. He writes for succezz.com, JacobGan.com, JacobEducation.com, DemystifyCancer.com, understanding-orchids.com, motivate2success.com and JacobLearning.com. He hosts Jacob.TheeLearningcentre.com, an elearning portal.
Article Source: http://www.earticlesonline.com/Article/Do-You-Children-Feel-Encourage-When-They-Share-Their-Troubles-with-You/259393
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Our native orchids: A series of drawings from nature of all the species found in the northeastern United States $19.99 This historic book may have numerous typos and missing text. Purchasers can download a free scanned copy of the original book (without typos) from the publisher. Not indexed. Not illustrated.1905 Excerpt: … Ill HABENARIA (Plate XII.) The genus Habenaria, or Rein-Orchis, as the Greek name signifies, is a group whose external characteristics are leafy stems and a wand of many flowers. There are so… |